Of peroxide and mortgages

As one of the Californians whom DiFi doesn't embarrass but should, I believe it is beyond doubt now that there is a very strong link between conspiracy theories and UFO theories. All the signs indicate that the irregularities detected in legislation affecting financial institutions and terror containment are the result of the influence exerted by a conspiracy composed primarily of alien extra-terrestrials (i.e., extra-terrestrials who are undocumented and residing in the United States illegally). In the six or seven years following 9/11, conspiracy theorists mistakenly believed that the conspiracy was being orchestrated solely by humans, and they thought the UFO theorists were mentally unstable, and vice versa. However, during the past two years or so, these two groups of theorists have realized that they have been examining different aspects of the same phenomenon and that pooling their knowledge would greatly enhance their understanding of the nature and objectives of the conspiracy. We now know, for example, that Donald Rumsfeld was not born on this planet, and thus is a citizen of neither the United States nor Earth, and that his birth certificate was fabricated to conceal his alien origins. It is strongly suspected, but has not been verified, that the Bush dynasty's origins were also extra-terrestrial and that, since their arrival on Earth, Bush scions have been meztalios (half-human and half-alien) or quadralioons (one-quarter alien). We now know that DiFi, while a true citizen of Earth, is being telepathically controlled by extra-terrestrials who are keeping her alive artificially with transfusions of unknown chemical compounds. And this same telepathic control, we have learned, is responsible for anomalous decisions made recently by both Barney Frank and Timothy Geithner.

Although much has been learned recently about the alien conspirators, it is still uncertain what the primary objectives of the conspiracy actually are, what the nature of their intended New World Order will be. Perhaps all will be revealed on 21 December 2012, not long after Sara Palin, also, it has been learned, not a citizen of Earth, is elected illegally to be the American President.